Things not to do (while buying a house)

1. Buy a house with little or no credit
2. Buy a house while your wife is pregnant. . . with twins.
3. Hang up on your wife after the third argument of the day over a home inspection (see #2)
4. Direct a large cast musical with self-important artistic staff members that throw tantrums at the slightest slight. . . while buying a house.
5. never say okay unless you really mean it.
6. Not negotiate a contract for less than you are worth.
7. Pack before ready to move.
8. Try to maintain an even keel while on a heavy dose of steroids.
9. Try to be reasonable and rational with a wife pregnant with twins. . . while trying to buy a house.
10. Ever claim that your sanity can hold up under any pressure.